The nervous nineties

My father is 90 today and around 40 relations, ranging in age from 6 weeks to nearly 90, descended upon us for a pink champagne birthday lunch on Saturday, the children being very excited to see 90 candles burning on a cake. He made an excellent speech, telling us that when he was a toddler he used to tell people, "I brought the peace!" He also said that when he was 13 he was on his way home from a cricket match on an "electric train" which was not scheduled to stop at his station. One of the boys with him said, "It's not going fast, just throw out your cricket bag and jump out!" My father obeyed the instructions and can still feel the impact of the concrete platform on his body as it fell with a thud, his straw hat battered. A porter approached him and asked in a strong Lancashire accent, "Eh, Lad, where have you come from?" He resisted the temptation to reply, "From heaven!" and the porter was not amused by his explanation of the events. A few days later, a railway official visited my grandmother to complain. She asked the man to repeat his name and whether he was related to a boy of that name. When he said that the boy was in fact his son, she said disconcertingly, "Well, it was your boy who advised my son to make the leap!"