Paraprosdokians of the day

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
3. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
6. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
7. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
8. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
9. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
10.I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.