Monday, October 01, 2012

Bad joke of the day

My car broke down in Ireland. There was a farm nearby and the farmer kindly invited me in for dinner while I waited for a mechanic. I noticed a pig with only three legs in the farmyard so I asked the farmer, “Why does your pig have only three legs?”

The farmer said, “Oh, well see, this pig here’s name is Paddy and lemme tell you a story about him. One day I was out on my tractor when something went wrong and the tractor accidentally turned over. I was going to be crushed and would have died ‘cept Paddy here ran over and dragged me out. He saved my life that day, he did.”

I said, “Wow, that’s amazing! So he lost a leg while rescuing you?”

The farmer said, “No, but lemme tell you a story. My son was fishing in the pond when, all of a sudden, he fell right in and somehow his foot got trapped in a reed at the bottom. He would have drowned to death if Paddy hadn’t run outside, untangled him, dragged him out from the pond and applied snout-to-mouth resuscitation. He saved his life that day, he did!”

I said, “Incredible! So that’s why he only has three legs?”

The farmer said, “No, but lemme tell you a story. My daughter was getting water from the well. All of a sudden, she fell right in! She screamed and she screamed, but no one could hear her. She would have died ‘cept Paddy here ran outside and rescued her. He saved her life that day, he did!”

“Unbelievable!” I said. “But why does he only have three legs?”

And the farmer said, “Well you wouldn’t eat a special pig like that all in one go, now would you?”


Anonymous kinglear said...

Ah the luck of the Oirish. Have you noticed that anywhere you go in the world there is an Irish bar?

7:17 am  
Anonymous Portinari said...

OK so here is another one:
Sir Basil Brooke, one time Prime Minister of Northern Ireland told of an occasion when he was driving near his home in Co; Fermanagh. Coming across a level crossing with one gate open and one closed, he asked the crossing keeper why this was so and got the reply: "Ah well your honour we're half expecting a train."

7:20 am  
Blogger Winchester whisperer said...

LOL Portinari

7:23 am  
Blogger Eurodog said...

Another one for the repertoire.

7:27 am  
Blogger elleeseymour said...

It's what makes Ireland such fun!

7:43 pm  
Anonymous Portinari said...

Speaking as an Irishman I detest these so called Irish Bars. I even found one in Dublin recently. Horror of horrors! But do go to the Guinness Brewery 'Experience'. The Guinness is superb and the 360 degree view from the top of the building sampling bar is pretty neat.
And 'Faugh a Ballagh' to ye's all. WW Promise that ain't rude.

9:54 am  
Blogger Winchester whisperer said...

Sounds good, Portinari

11:07 am  
Anonymous Kinglear said...

In the early 70s Guinness had a sort of private equity fund and I went to try to get some money from them. I'd prepared cahs flows, balance sheets etc etc and delivered them a week in advance of the appointment to see the person in charge.
When I go in to meet him, he had my papers stacked on his desk. He greeted me effusively in a very Oirish way, then riffled the papers.
" Now then, ye've given me all dis stoff which I haven't read. Just tell me - how much is it yer wantin'? " I told him.
"And we get our money back?" I assured him he would " Roight then, it's a deal an' yez'll be boying de lunch"

1:08 pm  
Blogger Eurodog said...

The good old days, KL.

8:23 am  

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